Jill Valentine is one of my favorite video game characters ever. I remember when I was a kid, I would stay up late playing as Jill in the original Resident Evil, biting my fingernails in fear. I wanted to tell Jill’s story in a unique way, and my inspiration came from talking to Vinett at thehorny-zombie. She said, “I don’t think zombies are stupid,” and that simple statement made me wonder how an intellgient zombie would feel during the classic “Mansion Incident” in Resident Evil. So, I sang from the perspective of the zombie who owns the mansion. He just sees Jill as a trouble-maker. Really, when you think about it, the zombies are victims of home invasion; S.T.A.R.S has no right to enter that mansion. The zombie’s rantings are full of references to the game—even the classic Jill Sandwich moment—and they really highlight why we un-undead all love Jill (good looks aside). This song is dedicated to Vinett for the good zombie-dialogue, and to these great Resident Evil blogs I read during my research: residentevil-fanart, f***yeahresidentevil, hellyesresidentevilseries, -thehive, f***yeahchrisandjill, fyeahjillvalentine, jill-valentine, valentinefever, claireredfield-, and bloodyxnightmare. If interested, free downloads are here; and stream it on YouTube here. I first recorded this with electric guitar and heavy distortion; if you are interested in comparing, you can hear that version here. I like it, but the humor in these #gaming pieces is lyric driven, and the words get lost in distortion. If you enjoy this, be sure to check out my other #zombie and #gaming songs. — Kavalier
Evil Valentine
Evil Valentine, everyone thinks you’re one
of them shining S.T.A.R.S.,
but I know you’re a petty thief in a uniform.
I’d like to wash my hands in your Type B blood.
Master of Unlocking who invited you to open up my doors?
Undead or not, I’m still a resident of Raccoon, and I got rights just like you.
I can kill trespassers on my land; what do you care if I turn them into a snack?
Why let good flesh go to waste? Brains, brains, brains.
Umbrella gave me this mansion of puzzles, games to test my mind.
I don’t remember asking for your help; Valentine, you’re out of line!
And you claim to be flexible, quick on your feet, but I would have made a sandwich of you if not for Barry.
And your sweet flesh would not have gone to waste. Brains, brains, brains.
I tire of you shooting my guests in the head.
I tire of the sound of your footsteps.
(Brains, brains, brains.)
Evil Valentine, I just want you to leave me be.
Take your beret, take your brain, and get off my property.
Don’t mind the dogs; they’re as friendly as can be.
And Valentine, we’ll see you again real soon in Raccoon City.