Kavalier Calm's Crowdsource Inspiration

Hi. I'm Kavalier Calm. I write songs and poems inspired by the people I meet on the internet. Ask, and I’ll write something for you. Really.
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  • Which superhero should I write a song about and why?

    Parameter: Sorry, hipsters, but for the purposes of this exercise, it should be a mainstream superhero; one that I will know about instantly. Unless, of course, in your answer you provide a brief bio of the superhero (self-written or Wikipedia only, please).

    Expected response time: I will respond to the best (totally subjective) valid answer I see after work tomorrow.

    So, here is my song in response to the answer superlestine provided: “SUPERMAN.” She didn’t answer the why part of my question, but a look at her tumblr. was all the why I needed. I read her response at about 5 pm today, and finished writing and recording the song by 7 pm. A dinner engagement kept me from posting it until now. The lyrics are below. Enjoy.

            Average guy

    Superman—do you ever wonder
    about the life that could have been?
    Superman—do you ever wish
    you were just like every other man?

    Kal-El—do you ever tire of wearing all that red a blue?
    I bet it would be nice to wear a white lab coat like your father used to.
    Have a steady Kryptonian job and two very normal Kryptonian kids,
    and all your friends would say, “What an average guy Kal-El is.”

    They’d say: “He’s as fast as the others, no stronger than the rest,
    and only able to leap short distances.”

    Is the Daily Planet your cover job,
    or a short description of your life?
    You work daily to protect our whole planet,
    but what do you want to do?
    Maybe drive a Kryptonian car, play Kryptonian golf,
    and have a group of poker buddies,
    and they’d say, “What an average guy Kal-El is.”

    They’d say: “He’s as fast as the others, no stronger than the rest,
    and only able to leap short distances.”

    And instead of that love life of lies with Ms. Lane,
    you could of had truth.
    Trying to be two men at once will only make you blue.
    You could of had a nice Kryptonian girl
    who cooked you Kryptonian food.
    And she would of loved you even though

    You’re just as fast as the others, no stronger than the rest,
    and only able to leap short distances.

    Can you describe your first kiss in a single sentence?

    Parameters: One sentence max, though you may semicolon your heart out. And be honest with the details; I can’t be the only person who had a clumsy/awkward first kiss.

    Expected response time: By Monday morning.

    Here is a response to the question that went unanswered. I came up with the concept for this song after repeatedly reading the question. I started to wonder why I asked about the first kiss, rather than the last kiss. Then, I realized in some very unfortunate situations, the first and last kiss are one in the same. I penned some of the verses randomly for a few days. I sat down with the guitar at 4 pm yesterday and had this song recorded by 4:45.

         First/last kiss

    The good thing about whisky
    is you only remember the fun.
    The bad thing about whisky
    is you only remember the fun.
    And I don’t remember your name, darlin,
    or where you said you were from.
    And I wish I could get you out of my head
    cause I’ll never see you again.

    But that first kiss
    had everything a man could wish for.
    Your breath was sweet
    and warm in my mouth.
    I only wish I’d known
    that that first kiss would be our last.

    Now my friends say you are a ghost—
    that I left alone.
    But I know my imagination ain’t good enough
    to have made you up.
    And, darlin, I can’t remember your name
    or where you said you were from.
    And I wish I could forget you
    cause I’ll never see you again.

    But that first kiss
    had everything a man could wish for.
    Your breath was sweet
    and warm in my mouth.
    I only wish I’d known
    that that first kiss would be our last.

    How would you describe a cruel lover?

    The other night I was tapping my finger and started singing:

    Well, I could never love a woman as cruel as you. ( X 2 )
    You’re mean to my mother, and you’re worse with my friends.
    I could never love a woman as cruel as you.

    Well, you say such awful things to wilt my pride.
    You say such awful things to make me feel dead inside.
    I could never love a woman as cruel as you. ( X 2 )

    Parameters: How would you describe a cruel lover? Give me a line or two. The lyric can be simple—in fact, should be. This recording will be very bluesy/jazzy. I may not even have my guitar.

    Expected response time: Sunday night.

    Finally got this recorded. Again, no response, but I made up the rest. Time to move on. I really liked the way this turned out; it has so much room to grow. It sounded very different every time I tried recording it. I can imagine a muted trumpet crying in the background or some harmony with a female vocalist, especially on the final verse.

    Well, I could never love a woman as cruel as you. ( X 2 )
    You’re mean to my mother, and you’re worse with my friends.
    I could never love a woman as cruel as you.

    Well, you say such awful things to wilt my pride.
    You say such awful things to make me feel dead inside.
    I could never love a woman as cruel as you. ( X 2 )

    You got poison in those veins, and you beg me to drink;
    You got ice in that heart, and you want me to freeze.
    I could never love a woman as cruel as you. ( X 3 )

    First, I made a list of what I would miss most if I became deaf or blind. Then, I remembered the phrase dumb, deaf, and blind. Made the “and” an “or,” imagined I had a choice between the three, and created a song debating the options. Enjoy!

         Dumb, deaf, or blind

    If I was struck with a curse to be
    dumb, deaf, or blind.
    I’d choose to be dumb
    and have a damn good time.

    Cause the blind never see the autumn leaves.
    They can’t see it coming, whatever it is.
    No playing catch with their brothers in the yard.
    They can’t see a woman’s hair bounce in the wind.

    CHORUS

    The deaf, they never hear any laughs or cries.
    They don’t have baseball on the radio to help pass the time.
    And I would never trade my lady’s heavy moan—
    the sound she makes when I do something just right.

    CHORUS

    The blind never see the flush in people’s cheeks
    or their rolling eyes.
    The deaf don’t get the Star Spangled Banner
    or the cannon fire.
    The dumb drink all they want
    and holler when a girl is fine.
    They ain’t got much upstairs,
    but they still have their ears and eyes.

    CHORUS

         Beautiful woman

    I won’t deny that you are the most
    beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
    But unlike all those other boys
    I won’t go wobbly at the knees.

    Just accept that I’m a man
    you can’t defeat.

    If you swallow some of that pride
    and stop looking down at me.
    I can promise you, darling,
    I’ll give you something you need.

    Chorus

    I ain’t a stallion you can break,
    but I can be ridden hard.
    Give me my due respect,
    and I’ll take you far!

    Chorus

    You hang the pelts of strong men
    on your mental walls.
    Well, that ain’t no skin off my back;
    I’ve tricked hunters like you before.

    Chorus

         Little fox

    Oh, I bet you think you are pretty
    sly, my little fox.
    Slinking out the den at night
    silent as a knife.

    Oh, where do you go my little fox?
    I’ll find that den and smoke you out.
    That other man is gonna pay with fire
    for breaking up my house.

    What am I supposed to think
    when the bed sheets are cold?
    Ever morning I wake up
    with no one to hold.

    Oh, where do you go my little fox?
    I’ll find that den and smoke you out.
    That other man is gonna pay with fire
    for breaking up my house.

    Oh, little fox,
    I was good to you.
    Oh, little fox,
    you cheat.
    You ain’t welcome back no more—
    see how sly you are without me!

        Spare some love

    I never thought I’d fall for someone like you,
    someone cold, but looking for some room
    to grow, and you can grow in my arms.
    But in return, I need you to spare me some of your love.
    Your love is all I need in my dreams.

    You forget how you bled on this floor,
    this killing floor, and how I mopped up your hurt.
    And you always laugh when I return,
    but I ain’t going anywhere until you spare me some of your love.
    Your love is all I need in my dreams.

    We’re riding down the river of give and take,
    and you’ve made sure the current only flows one way.
    Tear down your dams and all those bitter walls.
    Like a beggar, I’m begging for you to spare me your love.
    Your love is all I need in my dreams.

    Thanks to falling-anthem for a couple key words here: biology and manners.       

         Love you like a man

    I ain’t a boy looking for someone to mother me;
    I can stand on my own.
    Ours will not be a romance of needs;
    Trust me, what I want is all biology.

    CHORUS:
    Baby, I will love you like a man
    Baby, I will treat you the best I can
    Darlin’, why don’t you give me your hand?
    And I will love you like a man.

    I can be strong; I’ll build us a home,
    And you’ll be my cornerstone.
    When we’re safe and settled,
    I’ll love you like I’ve got nothing to lose (cause I don’t).

    CHORUS

    We can write the constitution to our love,
    Set up all the ground rules.
    I’ll give you manners and deep respect;
    Just take away my blues!

    BRIDGE:
    Baby, I know you don’t need me,
    But need, it ain’t what I want.
    Just grow old with me and be my best friend;
    I’ll pave us a road you’re proud to walk on.

    CHORUS

    I’ve committed reverse-inspiration. I answered the following question from ttimshel with a song:

    Hypothetically speaking,

    if you only had one opportunity to tell someone you loved them before they moved away, would you? if it meant jeopardizing your friendship, putting your real feelings out there, being exposed of the risks involved - they either accept or decline - would you do it? 

    i am not in this situation but if i were, let’s just say, i wouldn’t know what to do. what would you do

         Worth the risk

    I played out the scene
    a hundred times in my mind;
    I got up the courage to tell you
    I wish you were mine.
    But you left on that train,
    and I haven’t heard from you since.
    Now everyone asks,
    "Was it worth losing a friend?"

    I say I have no regrets,
    and if I could, I’d tell you again.
    Love is a reward that’s worth the risk,
    a gamble I’ll take again, and again, and again.

    When you didn’t say, “I’ll stay,”
    I felt the pain on my face,
    but my heart started healing
    the moment you stepped on that train.
    Better to put you to rest
    than never know.
    A life of “coulda been”
    will rot a soul.

    I say I have no regrets,
    and if I could, I’d tell you again.
    Love is a reward that’s worth the risk,
    a gamble I’ll take again, and again, and again.

    The only way we control
    the way our story unfolds
    is to be all in with our chips
    on love’s risk.

    I’ve done it again. Searched the tag “question” and found this post from sashdaley:

    SEX IS NOT THE ANSWER

    sex is the question. Yes is the answer

    Thanks for the inspiration.

         Q & A Blues

    Life is too short to walk around
    all confused and lonesome.
    There’s too much to learn
    to stay in the dark.

    Darlin’, your body’s got a question,
    and mine’s got an answer.
    Just go ahead and ask,
    and I’ll give you all my advice.

    In this instance,
    ignorance is not bliss.
    But I can promise you,
    soon enough you’ll know what bliss is.

    CHORUS

    In this you can be my pupil,
    and I’ll be your professor.
    Just put your sweet apple on my desk,
    and I’ll make sure you pass.

    CHORUS

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