An unavoidable side-effect of some of my work getting love is it also gets hate. I’m fine with criticism, mainly because I’m my biggest critic. I’m not very fond of sweeping and unexplained rude comments about my craft, though. And I admit I almost let a troll win recently; for a millisecond I doubted what I’m doing with CI, thought about throwing in the towel. But then I remembered the enormous support I’ve had from listeners so far. I felt guilty about my self-doubt and realized I had to combat the emotion and what caused it. So, I wrote a song for trolling trolls. Whenever someone trolls on my work, I’m going to share this YouTube link of me playing this song. I welcome you to do the same to the trolls in your life. This could be like rickrolling or trolololing for the good guys. I should clarify that I’m not opposed to all trolling; in fact, I enjoy and participate in the craft of witty, logic-based trolling. I’m against hate-based trolling, the kind that needlessly hurts feelings and adds ammunition to the people and companies trying to rob our right to anonymity on the internet. I dedicate this song to these Tumblr blogs with great trolling content: f***yeahtrollface, trollfacecomic, trollhatesyou, trolldadcomic, trollthisway, trollney, and foreveralonecomic. Downloads of this track are available here and on YouTube here. I hope others enjoy this and find it to be a useful counter-attack. — Kavalier Calm
Troll, I bet you were bullied in grade school:
the kids laughed at your macaroni art.
And now in the name of karma,
you use the internet to spread your hurt.
Well, two wrongs don’t make a right,
and you hurt our right to anonymity.
I bet you’re pushed around at work
all day by some a-hole boss,
and rather than stand up to him,
you power trip on message boards.
Your troll mother should have taught you:
if you have nothing nice to say, shut up.
Troll, you don’t like my song?
Well, it wasn’t written for you.
Shove that comment somewhere dark
and find something better to do.
And I know you’ve never been in love
‘cause you don’t know how to forgive flaws.
You must get tired of being right all the time,
as tired as everyone is of you.
Well, haters gonna hate,
and haters gonna be lonely.
And troll, don’t give up hope; we can still be friends
if you learn to be nice and see the bright side of things.
But if you insist to be glass half-empty, cold, cruel, and rude,
then I only have one thing to say to you.