Kavalier Calm's Crowdsource Inspiration

I'm KC, The People's Bard. I write songs and poems inspired by the people I meet on the internet. Ask, and I’ll write something for you.
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  • Tonight’s post is for the gamer girl at insanelygaming. Mallory’s blog shares wonderful video game images and music, including artsy and funny interpretations of classic gaming themes. Seeing her posts make me remember a not-so-distant past when I feverishly gamed. I smile every time I see an image of Ash Ketchum on her blog. One of my all-time favorite games is the Blue Version of Pokémon for Gameboy. I love that game for the same reason I enjoy a lot of minimalistic music; it is so simple to understand and play, yet profoundly imaginative. I wrote this song today for Mallory because her blog made me remember the good times I had playing that game. When I was a boy, the thought of a girl who played video games seemed more mythological and magical than dragons. So, this song posits a ridiculous way I could get Mallory in my life if I lived in the world of Pokémon, using a Ditto. I think anyone can enjoy this tune, but aficionados of the first-generation Pokémon games will revel in the references (I hope the intro/solo is recognizable). Free downloads of this song can be found here, and you can stream it on YouTube here. — Kavalier Calm


    I’m tired of living a Blue Version life.
    Day after day, everything appears more wild.
    I’m gonna hang up my red cap, and quit the gyms
    'cause I got a plan to fill my life with love again.
    I’m gonna catch me a Ditto and have it read your website.
    And when it transforms into you, I’ll ask it to be my wife.

    Cause I don’t got to catch them all.
    I just got to catch one like you.

    We’ll settle down in Pallet Town, and I’ll build a bird house.
    Pidgeys will come from all around to play in our yard.
    We’ll grow Cut flowers in the garden and go Surf at the beach,
    and we’ll Fish with my Old Rod for Magikarp.
    We’ll go spelunking in caves with our Flash(lights),
    and Dig our escape from all those Zubats.

    On days you don’t feel special, I’ll brew you elixirs
    to restore your PP (and your feelings for me).
    We’ll teach you how to swallow your laughter,
    so you don’t ever return to your true form.
    I’ll finally be a Master of a household.
    You’ll fill every page of my heart’s Pokédex.

    This song concept was bouncing around in my head for days, and I finally sat down to bleed it out. I realized recently that the majority of songs that the crowd (meaning all of you bloggers) inspires me to write are about loneliness or hunger (in all senses of the word). I am considering releasing digital albums of sets of the songs written for this blog, and this may be the title track for the first such album. I wanted to devote this posting to someone who seems to get the song’s message. I started searching by the tag lonely, and what I read was too gray to mirror the music. Then I realized my tune is actually hopeful. The speaker believes in the power of his voice/music/energy to travel faster than his feet to find his lost lover. So this is a song for a hopeful, loving blogger, like: natalieeelovesyou. And all you lonely bloggers I stumbled upon first—I recommend wallowing in the positive vibe on her blog for awhile.

         Lonely and hungry for you

    I waited for you to come home—
    years I waited, all alone.
    When you didn’t come back, I packed a bag
    and started walking down the road.

    I didn’t know where you’d gone,
    so I wrote this song, just so you’d know:
    I’m lonely and hungry for you,
    so lonely and hungry for you.

    My feet have have covered many miles,
    but there are many miles left to go.
    I’m gonna use the radio to find you—
    'cause sound travels faster than me.

    I don’t know where you’ve gone,
    so I wrote this song, just so you’ll know:

    Strangers warn me you may be dead,
    but you can’t be—I haven’t found you yet.
    I don’t know where you’re hiding,
    but I’ll seek ‘til my days are long.

    I don’t know where you’ve gone,
    so I wrote this song, just so you’ll know:

    This song is for Alex over at strawberriesandcigars. I like her blog, her taste in music, and her smile. This is a simple tune full of complicated feelings. Enjoy!


    Well, I’ve never met a girl quite like you before.
    You ain’t so tall, but you’re sharp and a bit unusual,
    and I’m beginning to like that you never say what I expect:
    the same old fluff about love eternal and how the heart never forgets.

    And I don’t know who hurt you but, Lord, praise him
    because your heart’s in two beautiful pieces; won’t you let me heal it?
    And if you say I’m not your type, I would agree with that.
    But your type’s never done so well in the past, so why not give mine a chance?

    And I bet you wonder why I wonder…X 2

    What it would be like to love a girl like you.
    One who ain’t so tall but stands so tall she fills the room.
    A girl so strong, she makes me quake with fear;
    a girl so far gone, I ain’t even sure if she’s here.

    And I bet you wonder why I wonder…X 2

    Tonight’s posting is for the blogger over at billygayvegan. For weeks, Eli and I have enjoyed this blog’s rock and blues-centric images. And then this post just came up:

    I really want something new.

    Here’s something new for you, and we hope you enjoy it as much as we enjoy your blog. The lyrics are based off an image of words that has been floating around the Tumblrverse lately: “Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.”

    And remember listeners. Eli’s only going to find his lost love if you share his music. It’s the only way she’ll know he’s looking. Your help is priceless to us. — K.C.

    Tonight’s post is for the charming dead slug Selina and her blog: f-i-r-e-b-o-l-t. A couple of new artists recently came to me with some song ideas. Good ideas. Big ideas. They aren’t ready to fully reveal themselves, but they agreed to let me post a demo we recorded the last time they were in the CI studio. That day, we stumbled onto Selina’s blog together; I enjoyed her hip-as-hell images, but they were excited Selina is a fan of the band Foals. They giddily told me about the dreamy, enveloping, soundscapes that are Foals songs—a style they aspire to. I’m becoming a fan quickly. Selina, this songs is posted for you and other Foals fans. Enjoy! — K.C.


    This is it, I can tell.
    Arms ready to brace.
    And losing something so big
    leaves too much space.

    Can’t tell you what “it” is
    or how it should feel.
    And if we knew the rules,
    there’d be nothing to steal.

    Thought I knew how it worked,
    but you broke it apart.
    Let’s live in this mess,
    there’s nothing to fix.
    just start.

    I’m nothing much to see.
    Have dollars stashed,
    but when I watch you move,
    I wanna burn them to ash.

    Used to look straight ahead,
    one thing at a time.
    You’re everything at once,
    can’t see the old lines.


    Tonight’s post is about a not-so-nice hipster girl. This is not about all hipsters; in general, I find hipsters to be kind. Plus, they have good taste in music, which is about all it takes to befriend the folks working at CI. But in every hipster crowd there is a character or three like the one in this song. If it all seems too mean—well, it’s self-defacing, too, trust me. This song is devoted to these blogs (and I have a sense that their bloggers are the good kind of hipster): death2hipsters, hipsterssssss, indie-indeed, indiebreakfast, and urbanindiebrownchick. Regular listeners of the CI project will note that this song is more coarse than usual; I am truly sorry if it offends anyone, but the music has a will of its own, and it will not be denied. I will probably re-record this soon with  distortion and a more punk-like driving rhythm. Enjoy! — K.C.

         Hipster Girl

    Who wears scarves in the summer and glasses without lenses?
    Only you and your friends who are too cool to know they ain’t cool,
    with their blogs, rescue cats, unwashed hair, and vegan food.
    You wield the word “obscure” like it’s a fucking trophy.
    And you like to say “you’ve probably never heard of it.”

    Well, I know two things you’ve never heard of;
    they’re called kindness and love.
    And hipster girl, of mine you are getting none.

    You have a state funded college education
    and a credit card or two paid off by mom and daddy.
    So tell me something, darling: how is that indie?


    It’s no coincidence hipster and hypocrite
    have the same beginning.
    And did you know they have the same ending?
    An end of loneliness.


    You know the best thing about this song, girl?
    Everyone who hears it is going to love it,
    and then it’s going to be mainstream to fucking hate you.

    Today’s song is for girls trying to lose weight. Some girls have good reasons; they just want to be physically healthy (like these bloggers: skinny-w-i-s-h-e-s and selfesteemdaybyday). But many girls just have image issues; it’s more of a mental problem than a physical problem (like…well, it would be cruel to say; I see 1000s of blogs like this every day). Many of these girls are beautiful and just can’t see it. Ladies, don’t you sometimes think someone else is beautiful, but never tell them? Well, the same is certainly happening to you. There are people in your life who think you are beautiful just the way you are—whatever your weight is. The world would be a better place if we just shared our nice thoughts. Then again, some people are told they are beautiful 1000 times a day and still won’t believe. Well, consider this song 1001. Okay, okay, that’s enough Dr. Phil for one post. Patronizing is awful, so I hope I don’t sound like I am. I don’t know the strangers blogging on Tumblr well enough to criticize; but I don’t need to know people to wish that they felt beautiful.

    I rarely feel inspired to do a cover; but, then again, I rarely feel music is well-intentioned like this tune is. This song’s about loving a girl, and after she gets skinny, everyone else starts to love her, too. It’s about missing being the only one who knew she was beautiful. It was written by an awesome band a little bird told me about, Hooking Up. If you like my cover, please check out their music and wallow in the good vibes. Maybe even pay to download their tracks? Yes, my cover is acoustic—had to make it my own somehow. Thanks to Hooking Up for the inspiration and enjoy! — K.C.


    i like it still heavy
    i liked it when you were slow
    i liked it when you were hot shit
    i liked it that you didn’t know
    now i’m all ready
    i feel i’m all fit to go
    i only wanna be hot shit
    tell me do i fit the mold

    i ain’t even grown
    i can get stoned with you
    am i really on my own
    i thought i was just having fun

    i like it still heavy

    This rock and roll song is about cats. Damn right. Cats. It all started when I mentally twisted the phrase curiosity killed the cat into contentment killed the cat. How can you be content? Don’t you want more, girl? Okay, so this song is really a metaphor about a woman. (No, not Cat Woman, though that’d be cool.) I can’t very well devote this to her, but I can devote it to cats. These are the best cat content blogs I’ve found: fuckyeahcats, postitkitties, meowwwzzzaaa, welovefatcats, cats-ondev, catswearingleashes,  I hope you all enjoy the song. And I hope your cats enjoy it, too! — K.C.  

         Content Kitty

    Contentment killed the cat;
    it wasn’t curiosity.
    And your happiness
    is killing me.

    Come here, kitty, kitty.

    Wipe that smile off your face;
    you don’t have everything you need
    if you don’t have me.

    Today’s song is for Spencer over at oldblueeyes. His blog’s content is genuine, funny, and thoughtful all at once. Since I first found his blog a few weeks ago, I have wanted to write him a song. But no inspiration was coming to me. So I broke the mold and went directly to Spencer—I asked him if anything in his life warranted a song. He said two things: the “silly” situation of his being a filing clerk for a major record label and that he had just had a nice romantic weekend in NYC. I told him I’d work on the filing clerk bit—as it seemed more unique—so he gave me some good details about his job (now in the lyrics). But after I puzzled out the verses late last night, they felt…empty. I needed to fill this filing clerk with a goal, a memory, a…something. So, that romantic weekend became the chorus. This was a pretty quick and dirty recording: the guitar parts are harsh (if I had money I’d get a nylon string with a pick-up), but I like how the second vocal track beefs it up a bit. Thanks for playing along, Spencer. I hope you and anyone else who listens enjoys! — K.C.

         Papercuts: The Life and Times of a Filing Clerk

    The smell of cardboard and paper is always stuck in your hair,
    and you buy extra strength lotion for those dried out hands,
    but you can’t (lotion won’t) heal that dried out soul.
    Papercuts are your prize; filing’s your goal.
    You alphabetize by title ‘til those cabinets are whole—
    whole, unlike you.

    And you daydream about the last time,
    the last time you were with someone;
    how you counted her breaths,
    and she counted yours.
    Oh, her skin didn’t cut; it healed.

    All the other temps are no consolation
    because they mirror all your lonely feelings.
    All those Johns and Jackies gasping for air,
    laughing hollow laughs, sucking on cut fingers
    to hide the blood that proves they are human.
    'Cause they ain't whole, just like you.


    You pray for some distraction—a way to kill the time.
    You treat the mailman like a long, lost friend, and order pizza for the delivery guy.
    And when they have to leave, a part of you dies.
    You try and hold on, ignore that tension leaning towards the door:
    you tell one more bad joke, ask one more big question.
    You’re holding on to what you lost.


    Today is a special day at CI. With this song we announce a new session artist at the project: Clementine. Clem’s got a big voice and an even bigger heart, both of which will be used heavily around here. We thought it best to make her official debut with this rockin’, racy piece. She wrote the lyrics, I wrote the guitar part, she made her lyrics fit, and then I made the mix. It’s pretty powerful for just three tracks, and it’s easy to imagine how beautiful it could be with a band. The magic of this is that we made it despite being a 1000+ miles apart (thank you, again, internet gods for email). Clementine works for a traveling circus, so we have to create on the sly, from afar. Her whole bio can and should be read on our Artists page. In honor of her coming to the scene, we devote this song to some awesome blogs with heavy doses of female power/rock content: fuckyeahfemalemusic, afuryofchicks, projectionofme, and strawberrylemonadedream. We hope everyone enjoys this tune because we promise many more in the near future. — K.C.  

         Be Quiet

    Don’t speak.
    Without words, only touch is left,
    And that can’t be faked.

    Be quiet to me
    Oh, please, oh
    Be quiet to me.
    Hush your mouth,
    Use it like this.

    Stand still.
    We’re easier to catch and keep
    in a trap of is bare skin.

    Don’t speak. Just shhh.
    Anything you could say now
    could wake us from the dream.


    In silence like this
    everything pulses, booms and beats.
    Can’t mishear fingers, no.


    Tonight’s song is about Sleeping Beauty, sang from the perspective of the Prince. I twisted the circumstances of the classic story to make it a bit more…adult; this certainly isn’t the Disney version. Really, when you think about it, the Prince is in a position to make demands like these. This song is devoted to these blogs with quality Sleeping Beauty/Disney content: fairytalemood, thecouplesofdisney, disneyxovers, dandydisney, disneyprincessfanart, butpeterhowdowegettoneverland, and disneyisawesome. Thanks for the inspiration, bloggers.

         Sleeping Beauty

    I have a white horse,
    and I have a chiseled chin.
    I fought a dragon to climb this tower,
    and I beat the old witch.

    But before I wake you from your slumber,
    I want a guarantee
    that when you wake, you’ll climb right back
    into that bed with me.

    A handsome prince like me
    has so many needs.
    Oh, Beauty, I don’t want to sleep;
    I want to lay you down and dream an active dream.

    I’ll bring flowers to all your godmothers,
    and I’ll never ask you to sew.
    And I am in no rush to get married
    or have an heir to the throne.


    This is my third song about a Disney Princess; if you’d like to hear the others, find them via Popular Songs. Would love to get some requests for other, similar songs. Enjoy everyone! — K.C.

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