When I first saw the Overly Attached Girlfriend video and memes last week, I knew I wanted to write a song for her: Unattached Boyfriend. The lyrics to my song are in direct response to hers, and I borrowed Biebs’ chord progression, too. I sure hope you all have a laugh because watching the video repeatedly to learn her lyrics was terrifying. Free downloads of this track are here, and you can stream it on YouTube here. — Kavalier Calm
Hey, girlfriend, I want to tear down your walls.
I don’t need you looking out for me; I don’t need you at all.
You can’t read my texts ‘cause my phone is locked.
Close those big eyes, don’t look so shocked.
I may be your boyfriend,
but I can let you go.
I could be a gentleman,
but I’d rather be a bro.
I don’t care about your wedding plans;
it’s shotgun in Vegas or single for me.
I don’t want to have kids, but if I did,
they’d have names like King Kong and Link.
Don’t tell me how to look or who I can chill with;
I like when other girls give my beard a rub.
You just make sure you keep putting out,
and I’ll keep putting up with your love.
I found the tracking device in my bookbag,
and I hid it on the library’s fourth floor.
I caught you with a needle near my rubbers;
I don’t think I can trust you anymore.