You: Do you like my outfit?
Me: Ehh, I think you should take it off.
You: Oh, really? And put on what instead?
Me: I don't want you to put anything on.
Me: I want to have my cake and eat it, too.
You: What cake?
Girls on Tumblr mostly post about loving sleep or food. So I’ve been getting really good at making the bed and cooking.
Girl at the bar: So what's the number one thing you are looking for in a girl.
Me: Before I answer that, what would you say your best trait is?
Girl at the bar: Hmm, well, I'm a really good listener.
Me: Okay...Well, the number one thing I want in a girl is a really good listener.
Me: I finally found you!
Girl at the bar: Who are you?
Me: I'm the love of your life. You hit your head last week and have had amnesia ever since.
Girl at the bar: Oh, is that right?
Me: Yes. It's tragic. You don't remember your friends or your family, and you keep running off. Just ask your brother.
One of my friends: There you are, little sister! Your wonderful boyfriend and I have been searching for you all night.
Girl at the bar: ..............
Me: It's all coming back to her now.