Kavalier Calm's Crowdsource Inspiration

I'm KC, The People's Bard. I write songs and poems inspired by the people I meet on the internet. Ask, and I’ll write something for you.
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  • Elijah Cash was inspired to write another song by the good people at The Getaway, our favorite bar in DC. This tune is for a particular snarky server, though Eli promises this is the most harmless of flirting. When we were drinking there Thursday night, they played Eli’s first song for the bar, and it was fun to see people enjoy our work. Eli asked our waitress and Jeremy the owner for a new song idea; she said, “write about a snarky server,” and he said, “use the phrase ‘Jeremy the owner.’” Done and done. Jeremy warned Eli to curb his enthusiasm, to not overdo it; he said bands stay cool and exclusive by releasing songs every three years, like Radiohead. But that isn’t CI’s style. We are about quantity, baby. We have a raging, burning fire to create, and nothing should stop it. That’s why we’ve decided Eli’s next EP will by titled The Getaway; it will be a compilation of songs about that bar and drinking in general. A perfect theme. Stay tuned. And enjoy these blues, friends! — K.C.

         The Only One I Want In My Net

    When I asked you where you’re from, I liked to watch
    the small talk spill from your mouth.
    You’re a worldly woman, and all of your charms
    cast a spell on this boy from The South.

    And Jeremy the owner says I don’t stand a chance,
    but you’ve never met a man like me.

    All my friends know I think you’re cute,
    and all my friends know I come here to see you.
    And you can be the snarky server all you want.
    It won’t make me give up the hunt.
    I promise I’ll be flirting until last call,
    if you just make all my drinks tall.
    I just learned your name, and now I want to know more—
    dive a little deeper with each pour.

    You are quite a catch, so the question is:
    have you been caught yet?
    There are lots of fish drowning in this bar,
    but you’re the only one I want in my net.

    The beautiful Carissa submitted the inspiration for tonight’s song. She is dealing with some health problems, and as reminder to herself to never give up, she got a tattoo of the infinity symbol with the word “fight” inside of it. She told me music is the main thing that makes her feel better. So I wrote this. Keep fighting, Carissa. Your future love—like the one in this song—doesn’t want you to give up. — Kavalier Calm


    We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers,
    who begin to interest us at first sight,
    somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken.

    Yeah, darlin’, I loved you before you knew my name.
    It was your smile, your laugh, your magic way.
    And if I had the chance, I would say:
    Baby, I will love you ‘til infinity;
    I will fight for you ‘til the end of time.

    I used to watch you walking down the street;
    you and your friends always seemed too cool for me.
    But if I had the chance, I would sing:

    The crazy day finally came for me to be brave.
    I bumped into you by your locker and you said, “Hey.”
    Here was my chance to say:

    I was afraid you would laugh in my face.
    But you took my hand, shrugged, and said, “Okay.”

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    Spring is my favorite season because
    spring is the season of skirts.
    Spring is my favorite season because
    spring is the season of flirts.

    I’m a flirt because practice makes perfect. I have to be ready to impress whenever she—the one—appears.

    Me: If I was a dog, I'd be a man's best friend.
    Girl at the bar: Why not a girl's best friend?
    Me: Well, I don't need to be a dog to be that.