Kavalier Calm's Crowdsource Inspiration

Hi. I'm Kavalier Calm. I write songs and poems inspired by the people I meet on the internet. Ask, and I’ll write something for you. Really.
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  • Thanks to icameisawicame for an answer to my last question:

    yes.he cheated on me at the festival,with some country bumpkin

    Now, inspiration is a coy friend. I’m not sure why, but when I read “festival” and “country bumpkin” together, I instantly started thinking a state fair. And then my mind jumped to that game where you swing the sledgehammer; turns out that attraction is called a high striker. I followed my wandering thoughts; the metaphor of a hammer and a bell were too good to resist. In a future recording, I’ll probably add a bell sound at the end. My listeners should notice, though, that I added a baseline to this song and the solo doubles in stereo through both ears (yes, listen with headphones). Not bad considering I only had two hours. Enjoy!

         High striker

    I haven’t seen you in years,
    since that date at the state fair,
    when I lost you in a strongman competition
    for your hand.
    I paid a quarter to try the high striker,
    and swung the hammer just for fun.
    The next man who paid his quarter
    swung to strike the bell.

    And when it rang, baby,
    you fell under his spell.

    When you walked by me
    the other day.
    I noticed you
    noticing me.
    Well, I ain’t a boy anymore:
    my hands are big and scarred.

    As big and scarred
    as my heart.

    Now, though I learned to be strong,
    I didn’t learn to be cruel,
    and I know you remember
    how good I was to you.
    So let’s imagine we’re back at that fair,
    and I’ve got a hammer, and you’ve got a bell.

    Yeah, high striker,
    why don’t you let me ring that bell?

    This #gaming-themed song is for the Diablo 3 fans out there. I do not discuss the game’s storyline at all, so this is no spoiler. This song is about the frustrations and joys of playing D3, specifically focusing on the current, heated debate over the fairness of the Inferno difficulty level. It’s fascinating how the debate actually parallels more serious ethical dilemmas surrounding things like affirmative action, the welfare state, etc. Should rulemakers strive to create an environment of equal opportunity or an environment of equal outcome? College admission offices, for example, tend to strive for the latter; by offering financial aid for students from low-income families and taking special interest in minority applicants (race, gender, age, veteran’s status, etc.), colleges try to create a situation where literally anyone could reach the outcome of a degree if they wanted to. If college admissions offices focused merely on equal opportunity, they would just say anyone is welcome to apply and ignore pre-existing conditions that affect the applicant pool. D3 is like this; anyone is welcome to play on Inferno difficulty, and no one receives special treatment in facing the challenge. Many casual players complain that the rulemakers (Blizzard) have made an environment where only very serious players (those who have the time to play through Inferno) or wealthy players (those who can buy elite items at the auction house) can acquire the game’s best gear. These casual players want equality in outcome; they want everyone to get the same great gear, no matter how much time they are able to invest in playing. So should Inferno be easier to play? Should these players with less time and money be supported somehow (gear stamps instead of food stamps)? The dilemma at hand here is actually very serious, and I don’t think there is a clear best answer, let alone a right answer. Still, the chorus of my song presents my take on the situation; I personally think it’s wonderful how challenging Inferno is given how long we all waited to play this game. All seriousness aside, there is some humor in these words, as well. I dedicate this song to these these blogs with unique Diablo content—fyeahdiablo3, cgfitchy, badblizzard, and iplaydiablo—and to some of my favorite gaming blogs, with links to rad Diablo posts—gamefreaks, OTLgaming, gamegurus, markofantares, and geeksngamers. Thanks for listening everyone; if you enjoy it, share it! Free downloads of this song are available here, and you can stream it on YouTube here. — Kavalier Calm

         Diablo’s Inferno

    I signed up for presale about a decade ago,
    and at midnight, I stood outside that GameStop window.
    After waiting so long Error 37 seemed
    like the sound of cruel fate laughing.
    My girlfriend baked me a Diablo cake,
    and she says she’s fine with how much I play.
    I’ve already hacked and slashed my way through three mice,
    and now I hear gamers fight about wrong and right.

    and all I know is:
    After waiting 10 years for the game’s release;
    I hope Inferno takes 10 years to beat.

    I’ve made good use of the Blacksmith artisan,
    and I’ve played with all the builds I can.
    My Monk cripples demons until the swarm drops,
    and my witch Doctor harvests souls like a farmer his crops.
    And my girlfriend’s getting dinner with her X-boyfriend Mike,
    and I hear gamers fight about wrong and right.
    CHORUS

    I admit I haven’t given hardcore mode a try;
    I’d just play Real Life if I wanted to die.
    And I spend every minute planning when I’m afk
    how to make a living the auction house way.
    And my girl left when I asked her to be my in-game wife,
    and I hear gamers fight about wrong and right.
    CHORUS

    A lot of people question what’s fair in a world plagued by hell;
    they want to believe that heaven or Blizzard writes the rules well.
    We all want to be elite; we all want to twink
    out our hero, but there’s one thing I know:
    CHORUS

    So, gamers, what do you think is fair?