Kavalier Calm's Crowdsource Inspiration

Hi. I'm Kavalier Calm. I write songs and poems inspired by the people I meet on the internet. Ask, and I’ll write something for you. Really.
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  • Elijah Cash just wrote this song because he’s playing at a bar tomorrow night and wants to sing something situationally appropriate. We devote this post to some cool blogs we just found that recently posted about #whiskey: novembersilence, 90s1hitwonder, imgur, arcticsounds, pulpfcknfiction, and therewillbebourbon. Enjoy listeners! Oh, and the first round’s on us. — K.C.

         Whiskey River

    When the week’s been long, and you just want to let go.
    There’s a drink that will make you feel right at home.

    Won’t you come and take a swim with me my friend?
    In whiskey river.

    If you’ve never been to a watering hole,
    I can teach you how to hold your own.
    The bite of fire water can make a man drown,
    but he’ll be smiling the whole way down.
    CHORUS

    You’ve got Jack, and you’ve got Jim, and you’ve got John Jameson.
    Serve it warm or on the rocks, I’ll take it any way you got.
    We’re all just one shot glass away
    from diving head first into whiskey haze.
    CHORUS

    Elijah Cash wrote a song for the good people at our favorite bar in Washington, DC: The Getaway. If you’re ever in DC, you should make a trip. Enjoy, listeners! — Kavalier

         The Getaway

    I know a place in Columbia Heights
    where everyone goes to get high.
    They pour your drinks nice and tall,
    so you can forget it all.

    At The Getaway, that’s just what we do.
    Come on, my friends, I want to get away with you.

    Some get away from their desk jobs;
    they’re tired of wearing a suit.
    They slave away all day
    for The Man in their cubes.
    Some get away from the bad news
    up on The Hill:
    Politics and back stabbings,
    white-collar cheap thrills.
    CHORUS

    Some get away from the loneliness
    filling up their mind.
    Once they have a drink,
    everything feels just fine.
    Well the gods of booze and a few good men
    built us this place,
    so we escape artists
    can get away.
    CHORUS

    Elijah Cash was inspired to write another song by the good people at The Getaway, our favorite bar in DC. This tune is for a particular snarky server, though Eli promises this is the most harmless of flirting. When we were drinking there Thursday night, they played Eli’s first song for the bar, and it was fun to see people enjoy our work. Eli asked our waitress and Jeremy the owner for a new song idea; she said, “write about a snarky server,” and he said, “use the phrase ‘Jeremy the owner.’” Done and done. Jeremy warned Eli to curb his enthusiasm, to not overdo it; he said bands stay cool and exclusive by releasing songs every three years, like Radiohead. But that isn’t CI’s style. We are about quantity, baby. We have a raging, burning fire to create, and nothing should stop it. That’s why we’ve decided Eli’s next EP will by titled The Getaway; it will be a compilation of songs about that bar and drinking in general. A perfect theme. Stay tuned. And enjoy these blues, friends! — K.C.

         The Only One I Want In My Net

    When I asked you where you’re from, I liked to watch
    the small talk spill from your mouth.
    You’re a worldly woman, and all of your charms
    cast a spell on this boy from The South.

    And Jeremy the owner says I don’t stand a chance,
    but you’ve never met a man like me.

    All my friends know I think you’re cute,
    and all my friends know I come here to see you.
    And you can be the snarky server all you want.
    It won’t make me give up the hunt.
    I promise I’ll be flirting until last call,
    if you just make all my drinks tall.
    I just learned your name, and now I want to know more—
    dive a little deeper with each pour.
    CHORUS

    You are quite a catch, so the question is:
    have you been caught yet?
    There are lots of fish drowning in this bar,
    but you’re the only one I want in my net.

    Why Whiskey

    I was born in a smoked barrel.
    My mouth was full of barley and rye.
    Now I done grown up and run away from home,
    but I will always be a momma’s boy.

    People ask me: “Why whiskey?”
    And I tell them why:
    "Because whiskey is my favorite way to die."

    When your work’s no good,
    and your woman’s even worse,
    call up a single malt doctor:
    the world has never seen a better nurse.
    CHORUS

    Comrades want vodka,
    and foodies, they want good wine.
    But I’ll take a drink that’s always there for me
    when I need to forget the time.
    CHORUS

    For St. Patrick’s day my digital distributor for Spotify and iTunes, Spinnup, is offering free single releases (up to two tracks) for songs about drinking. I happen to write a lot about drinking, so I got excited about the challenge. I was just searching through all my posts tagged “alcohol”, and I found this ode to whiskey that I’d totally forgotten about writing. Maybe I did it when I was drunk one night? Anyway, I think I’m going to make in the B-side on the single release. Enjoy, friends. — KC

         Why Whiskey

    I was born in a smoked barrel.
    My mouth was full of barley and rye.
    Now I done grown up and run away from home,
    but I will always be a momma’s boy.

    People ask me: “Why whiskey?”
    And I tell them why:
    "Because whiskey is my favorite way to die."

    When your work’s no good,
    and your woman’s even worse,
    call up a single malt doctor:
    the world has never seen a better nurse.
    CHORUS

    Comrades want vodka,
    and foodies, they want good wine.
    But I’ll take a drink that’s always there for me
    when I need to forget the time.
    CHORUS

    After my fourth beer, I realize the night can’t be productive and just order one more.

    Me: I'm actually a doctor. Care to hear my diagnosis?
    Girl at the bar: Sure.
    Me: It looks to me like your heart is broken.
    Girl at the bar: Oh, really?
    Me: Yes, but don't worry. I also work as a repairman on the side, so I can fix it if you'd like.

    I just want to find a girl who is interested in taking a shower with me and a bottle of wine.

    Lovelies, will you help me finish a song? I wrote this tune about the joys of drinking with a friend after seeing this wonderful gif on jellyyyace. What I need you all for is a group singing of the chorus. At about 3:43, after I holler “All together now!”, I need you to record yourself singing the chorus along with me. If you listen a few times, I know you’ll pick it up. I don’t care how you record yourself (your laptop’s internal mic with the free recording software Audacity, your iPhone’s video or voice memo feature, etc.); just do it some way, then email the audio file/video to crowdsourceinspiration@gmail.com. Wear headphones as you listen to sing along, so I only hear you. When you listen to the this draft, you’ll hear a bunch of guitar-only spots. Once I compile all your contributions, I’m going to splice them in and add guitar solos throughout. I really appreciate your help. Once I post the track, I’m going to give a shout out to everyone who contributed. Here are the lyrics of the chorus. Much love. — KC

    A beer with a friend is like learning to swim:
    wet your whistle together, and you won’t forget.
    And I thank God every day for the social lubricant.
    Yes, we find each other when drowning in sin.

    I’ll have the soup of the day, please. #whiskey #drinking #alcohol #bar #savannah #georgia

    Do you like to sing? I need the recordings of many voices to make a group chorus in a song I just wrote called “A Beer With A Friend”. Don’t be shy. It’s a jaunty, pub song, so beautiful singing voices are not required (or even encouraged). For more information on how to help, click here. I greatly appreciate anyone who takes the time. I’ll be sure to credit all contributors when I post the finished product. Thank you, lovelies! — KC

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