When Billy at the Geeks n Gamers blog suggested I write a song for Cortana from the Halo series, I excitedly began researching one of the most celebrated characters of the past decade. I polled my followers for what the song should be about, and almost everyone suggested focusing on the relationship between Cortana and Master Chief. My song answers those suggestions, but in an attempt to be current, I decided not to focus on their relationship from the existing games, and instead looked to the future. There is a ton of speculation right now that Cortana will fall victim to rampancy in the upcoming Halo 4, based on signs from previous installments in the series and a particularly angry moment in the trailer shown recently at E3. I thought it would be fun to build upon this speculation and see if I could write a song that foreshadowed a new, dangerous relationship between Cortana and Master Chief. On the face of it, I’m just a boy singing about a difficult, know-it-all girl. But my lyrics are built upon the Halo universe; for example, I quote Cortana and the Cortana Letters (remember those?) several times. Because the writing is so excellent in the Halo series, I was able to craft some real poetry. The girl in question is just how I imagine a rampant Cortana would be: so intoxicated by her own knowledge that she jeopardizes the mission and forgets how she feels for MC. I guess we’ll see if my song was right when Halo 4 comes out. A big part of me hopes I’m not; I want Cortana to avoid the terrible fate of a smart AI and live forever. I dedicate this song to Billy for his great suggestion and to these bloggers who contributed directly by answering my poll—thechief0, pokeopa, probablyadragon, and huhwhatnow—or indirectly through inspirational Halo content: f***yeahalo, f***-that-halo-guy, tehgriz, this-is-spartan-117, halounsc, h4news, and wake-me-when-you-need-me. Free downloads of this song are here, and you can stream it on YouTube here. In the lyrics below, I have bolded all references to the Halo series; do you understand them all? Enjoy, friends! — Kavalier Calm
Numbers and letters show on your flesh
when you’re going to talk down to me.
You’re thinking so hard that your lungs
forget to breathe.
And I may not be a master,
and I may not be a chief,
but to say you deserve a halo
seems like a bit of a reach.
You like to flaunt your intelligence,
but I think it’s the artificial kind.
Your heart is clogged up by all you know;
you’re run by your robot mind.
You can’t live in your mother’s shadow;
you’re on the doctor’s clock.
Remember when the game is over,
the king and the pawn go in the same box.
You tell me there’s a blurred line
between godhood and insanity.
My guilty spark doesn’t know which side you’re on,
but I wish you were human just like me.
Can we make a covenant, can we agree,
to stop the flood, to stop the fighting?
You picked me, I’m the one you chose, from a world of men.
I’ll be your Spartan, I’ll fight your war; just don’t treat me like the rest.