ARTIST: Kavalier Calm
TRACK: Mermaid, You Ain't Got The One Thing I Want
I’ve written another Disney Princess song, this time a satire about Ariel. This song’s about why I’d rather not fall in love with a mermaid. Sorry, Ariel. This is tasteful humor, I assure you; the lyrics are wonderfully subtle (until the last word). I’m devoting this post to some of my favorite blogs with inspiring LOL/audio content: stream.pleated-jeans, alan-hanson, carolineeand, and kellaroot. Couldn’t go a day without posting for my followers—even though I’m on the road—so I wrote and recorded this in the back seat of my car. The grainy audio has a certain charm at least. My other Disney Princess songs can be found here and here. As always, if you like CI’s work, share it! Enjoy your weekend everyone! — K.C.
Mermaid, You Ain’t Got The One Thing I Want
When I fished you out of the ocean, you told me you were on the run—
from a Sea Witch, from opulence, from the water.
You begged to be saved, you promised to give me love;
but Mermaid, you ain’t got the one thing I want.
Mermaid, you can’t have what I want between
if you don’t have legs.
I was trying to catch a meal, and I caught a problem.
Why would I take the baggage of a woman without the one joy that follows?
Something smells fishy and not in the way I like.
This is a raw deal; your sashima ain’t shaped right.
You are a miracle, a rare magic maid,
but it don’t mean nothing to my common need.
Sorry, Mermaid, but I’m throwing you back.
Don’t grab my bait again ‘til you find legs. And a snatch.